so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
