Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
