I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize