somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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