he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
