11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
