please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Enjoy the penises
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
