it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
