Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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