i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
