your thong is hanging out like whoa
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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