Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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