I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
