Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
