Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
me + whiskey = a bad person
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize