so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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