somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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