You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We have started to decorate penises.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
