I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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