ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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