My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
