Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
