At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
