oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he shaved USA in his pubs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
