i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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