"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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