There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
