Small penises have feelings too.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
