I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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