In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
