Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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