i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
