this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
