Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
