Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
