So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
