No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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