So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
