so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
