I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize