One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize