I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
