ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
