He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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