3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
