in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
