my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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