put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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