Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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