I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
