We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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