Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
