Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
