ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
