I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
