those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
