i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
