theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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