I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
