8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
