also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
