There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize