Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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