so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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