He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
