Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
