Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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