I need to stop coming to work sober
You know, be my cock's hype man.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
