Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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