I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
