they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
