Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
