guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
