just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
