I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
