I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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