im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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