I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
and you fell through a lawn chair
Congratulations! We have a period
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
