YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
