Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
