i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
